5 months later & a baby shower

It's official, keeping up with two blogs is nearly impossible... Well... not impossible, just time consuming. At first, I was like, "Ah, I will just post professional images and update my photography blog." But then there were times when I catch myself wanting to express myself in ways that I can not on my photography blog; things that were too personal and slightly unprofessional. So I'm back! To rant and rave on whatever non sense I find entertaining or what's going on in my, oh so ordinary life. And boy... does it feels good to write again. I love it. I know blogging/journals aren't for every one... but for me, it's like therapy (the good kind).

To give an update will just be horrendous... instead let's start when this past weekend, Cassie's baby shower. Yes! Cassandra is preggers. My best friend since 3rd grade is having a baby boy, named Noah. I can not wait to meet him so I can smother him with love and gifts.

It's crazy how fast we are all growing up. 10 years ago, bills, work and family wasn't much of a concern. We were still in high school, talking about the next big party, trying to skip that one class we hated or who liked who and did what? Our priorities changed. We changed. We are becoming adults and having babies! Ahhh!

I know that Cassandra and Hector are going to be such great parents. They are smart, loving and caring individuals. I pray nothing but love and health for their soon to be family. And I can not wait to be titi x3 now! So exciting!!!

Meet Lulu our German Shepard

Just a few days ago, we got a new addition to our family, Lulu, a full breed German Shepard. My sister's friend dog had a few puppies and thankfully we convinced my father to buy one in time before they were all adopted. My family have a thing for German Shepards; the last one we've had was when I was young, until about 6-7 years old. Her name was China, an amazing, protective and beautiful dog. But she had a skin disease which my parents couldn't watch her suffer any longer and decided to put her down. I will forever remember China, there is something about German Shepards that you can't help but put all of your trust into them. They are truly loyal dogs. I hope as Lulu grows up she becomes just as much as an amazing dog as China. Until then, it's spontaneous potty breaks, biting my toes and her puppy breath :)
 

 

To see more photos, click here Lulu

i'm not a cry baby anymore

As Jorge was leaving to head back to Penn State last Sunday, I almost cried. Although I wanted him to stay a bit longer, I couldn't distract him any more; it was already 8:30pm and he had a 4 hour drive ahead of him, but I couldn't help but be selfish. I hugged him so tight and get one more deep breathe of his scent and I hoped that his warmth would last me the week. Then I sent him off with one more kiss goodbye.

After closing the door shut, I felt an emptiness inside me. I was familiar with this feeling, it's when I turn into zombie mode. I slowly made my way to my room while avoiding eye contact from my parents; I hate showing people my weakness. These are the times when I want to be alone. I want to lay in my empty bed, hug my pillow tight and get a good cry out. But this time I didn't. Although I was sad and lonely, I didn't cry. Then I realized, I haven't cried in a while... when did I stop? Maybe it's because in two months, I know this will all be over. The online video chats, the lonely nights,  the 8 hour drive to and from Penn State and the constant reminders of how much I miss him. Soon, he will graduate and I will have my other half returned to me. I can finally see that light, what seemed like forever (2 years), in this long dark tunnel I've been trapped in.

I couldn't help but think back when Jorge first left to college. After countless conversations of what the "plan" was, the day have arrived. I had moved back with my parents so that I can continue to attend school and work. Jorge was packed and ready to go; that day, I held my tears back. I knew if I cried in front of him I was not making it any easier for him. But as I got ready for bed, our last night together, I felt it slowly creeping up. When I spoke, my voice was raspy and my eyes had already looked as if I cried for days. If  Jorge took one look at me, he would know how I felt. I took a deep breathe to compose myself... but it was useless. Jorge sat at the edge of my bed, looking up at me. It was written all over his face that he didn't want to go... I broke down....

I didn't want to hide it any more. I didn't want him to go either. I know he wants to better himself for us, but why so far? Why Penn State!? I wrapped myself around him and cried. I've haven't cried that hard since my grandmother's passing. It hurt so bad; my chest swelled up, I couldn't breathe and I was scared to let go. I felt him grip me so hard, as if trying to fuse our bodies together. I felt his face heat up but he didn't allow me to look at him, he just hugged me tightly. We just laid there until I had no more tears, he had kissed them all away.

We didn't need any words that night. We already knew how we felt about it. And because I didn't want to let him go yet, I decided to make the drive with him. I wanted to see where his new home was for the next two  years. I was also trying to procrastinate from saying, "see you later". I wish I hadn't gone.

After spending the day with him unpacking and getting him situated. It was really time to say our goodbyes/see you later. Thankfully my sister came as my support, but it didn't ease the pain. As my car warmed up, I walked up to him... Tears had already escaped from my eyes, there was no hiding it now. Why was I so scared? Why couldn't I be strong and tell him, "See you next weekend?". Was it because I didn't trust him?
It wasn't any of that... for so long, I forgot what life was like before Jorge. For 6 long years we've done almost everything together, 4 of those years we've lived together. He's my best friend, my lover, my other half. He supported me in so many ways and continued to be the man that I love. I didn't want to let that go.

After kissing Jorge a thousand times, I finally got into my car. I had trouble putting my car in reverse, but when I finally did, I already felt I was far away from him. The tears wouldn't stop coming down my face, my eyes stun so badly and I couldn't help but hit the brake as I moved away from him. This was the hardest thing I've done in my life. I focused getting out of the parking lot but I kept braking to look back to find him standing in the spot I had left him. God, why did this hurt so bad!? Is this proof of how much I love him? And it was, I love him so much that I didn't want to be apart from him.

Since my sister was in the car, it stopped me from turning my car around and running back to him. She helped me go forward. Even though as I pushed my gas peddle, the tears wouldn't stop coming. That pain in my chest worsen as I passed each mile marker. After passing 40 miles, I broke down like I have never done before. I pulled over, took a deep breath and screamed. I couldn't take it anymore. It hurt so bad. I leaned my head on the steering wheel, gasping for air and cried. My sister rubbed my back trying to comfort me. It helped a little, but the pain didn't stop. I needed to cry my heart out, I felt so empty. I didn't know what to do with myself...

After crying like a 5 year old who lost their way home, I wiped my tears and snot off my face and pushed forward. And here I am today, I made it. I pulled through. At first it was very hard, but it slowly got easier. The weekend visits, skype dates and text messages helped me through the dreadful years. It's almost over and I don't have to cry anymore. The distance didn't end our relationship, like most people said it would, instead it strengthened it. We've both learned many things about each other and gained more independence in many aspects. Now, Jorge knows how to cook and he has no excuse!

This was a long entry, but I needed to record this. I don't want to ever forget that pain. It reminds me of how important Jorge is to me. It also showed me how those whose husbands are in the force, what they go through. I many not understand it fully because I had the privilege of visiting Jorge whenever, but I can compare some feelings.

Here's to 8 years and counting my Love... we made it. We jumped all those hurdles, wiped those tears and conquered it all... we made it <3

will he remember?

The other day I came home and heard an extra voice in the house. I didn't realize that one of Ivan's friend had came over to play. I usually don't bother my brother when his friends are around but this time I did. I was thinking to myself how I don't have any pictures of the friends I grew up or played with when I was little. So being that my brother nor my mother take pictures, I figure I take one for him, so that one day he can look back he see that his friend Anthony was over a lot to play Call of Duty with him. Anthony is a cute kid, he has a lot of manners something that I hope he passes to Ivan, haha.

young old people

Just recently I noticed how comfortable I am with Jorge; it can be a good or bad thing. There are times when it's completely silent, he's playing video games or studying and I'm reading or working on photos. We don't need to say anything to each other, just our presence alone is satisfying. We have molded into that 70 year old couple who know each other so well that words become unnecessary.

Now-a-days, we don't go out as much. Not only because we're at a stage in life where bills are essential over partying, but we much rather prefer staying in eating pop corn while watching our preordered Netflixs. Our friends call us old people, but I don't think it is; it's just a preference. We still know how to be young and have fun, but it's not something we need to prove every Friday or Saturday night.

The other day it was a normal, stay at home because it's too freaking cold to do anything outside, day. Jorge had wanted to go hiking, but in that 4 degree weather, it was not happening. So instead we stood in bed most of the morning, cooked, played video games and watched some tv.  In between, we would cuddle a lot,  tease each other, poke fun until our stomachs hurt from laughing or just lay there until our breaths are one. I wouldn't have it any other way. I live for those moments. And remembering it puts a big smile on my face.

It snowed today, so instead of sitting indoors staring out - we decided to go play in the snow. Of course Jorge pushed me unexpectedly, but it was also expected; if that makes any sense? Haha, it's Jorge what can I say. Snow days with him are the best! 

snow, snow, snow!

Whoever said global warming doesn't exist, sorry but it does! Places where it's usually warm are getting cooler, I was just at the Bahamas three weeks ago and it was not exactly tropical weather! 'Oh, the Artic air, the Artic air'... no! Mother nature is getting back at us and the world is going to freeze over! Ahhh! I am being just a little dramatic... But I believe that there will be some changes, whether it happens in our life time, I don't know, but we should be worry for the future generations. These constant snow storm must be warnings... I can not remember the last time I saw consecutive snow storms. Also, this past summer wasn't exactly hot either... hmmm...?

The snow is pretty, from indoors. I love the way our house looks when it snows, but it won't be as special any more if it keeps snowing as much as it has. I hope everyone is keeping warm!

the waffle shop

There has been talk around campus and back at home, that we should try the waffle house at Penn State. It took us three semesters but Jorge and I finally made time to visit the The Waffle Shop. To be frank, it wasn't really all that great. The prices were reasonable and the food was... eh. I've definitely had better pancakes, bacon and home fries at IHOP or Denny's; don't get me wrong, it was yummy, maybe IHOP pancakes tainted my taste buds. But then it dawned on us after wards, maybe we should have ordered waffles! I mean the restaurant name is The Waffle Shop... They may not have been great with other breakfast platters but the waffles could have been amazing? So the next time we go, we are having waffles! 

celebrating the new year

Lately, almost every year since 2007, my family have been celebrating New Years at my aunt and uncles house. I've never really been at a New Years party and I'm sure that I'm not missing that much. Although it would be nice to celebrate with friends, I feel that the holidays are more meant to be spent with the family. I'm not saying that it's wrong if you don't, that's just my personal preference. Once I get my apartment again, I'm sure I would invite all friends and family to have one huge New Years party. It will be fun and memorable.